he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
