I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
