remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I miss vodka workout Fridays
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
