the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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