the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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