their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
