Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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