We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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