Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
