I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
