Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
