I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
