Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
