whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
