Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
