Will you blow on my dice?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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