maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
