All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just want nice things and good sex
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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