ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I want her autograph on my taint
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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