Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
