I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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