yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
