Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
