what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
