I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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