but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
