OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She needs sedatives and a leash
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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