You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
