If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He better not be in your backpack
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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