The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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