have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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