What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
