dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
