closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
