I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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