I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
