shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
