I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
