you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
