Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish you could order shots online.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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