I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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