hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
