Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
