I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
