Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
