I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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