I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I faked an abortion last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
