He kissed a someone with a penis
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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