Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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