There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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