I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
