I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
