if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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