you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
