So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
